For the adventurous, this might be less often seen sentence in your life. But for many many people, “I’m not used to it!” is quite an oft used statement when something unfamiliar happens, or when we are supposed to move into the unknown for whatever reason.

In this day and age, many of us would like to have a stable income, stable family, stable grades (good grades =P ), and for Abby, a real stable filled with horses! (hehe abby that was for you. =) )  I’m not saying we don’t like to have adventures and all, hahah of course we do. But such stability brings us a sense of safety duncha think? Well at least for me it does! And this might be part of the reason why so many people work SO HARD to get good grades, good jobs; so they don’t have to worry about the future.

If you’ve done the personality test MBTI before, the last alphabet J or P which stands for Judging or Perceiving respectively kinda shows how much a person likes/dislikes change in general.

“Do you prefer a more structured and decided lifestyle (Judging) or a more flexible and adaptable lifestyle (Perceiving)?”

For me, i like a more structured and decided lifestyle. So everytime i have to move into certain changes or unknowns, it creates a disturbance inside me. Thinking through, not ALL changes creates this discomfort. I have realized, the things that i’m very used to or i’m very good at, there will be more discomfort, disturbance and maybe certain “unwillingness” to change. Probably because it has already been such a part of me, to change might mean a lot of effort, or just that “things will be different”.

For the most part, i thought i’ve already been quite good at adapting to changes and being okay with them. Until only recently when my notion of intimacy with God, and “style” of worship was greatly challenged (in a good way). Not that whatever i have thought of was wrong, but this time it seemed like God wanted me to have a breakthrough in my life in the area of worship and intimacy with Him. Well then, that meant CHANGE.

Ever read the book in the bible called Song of Solomon? Well most would have read it before i would suppose, and I have too. But to have really READ it, well that i have not. Why, you might ask. Haha, for me, i found it REALLY hard to relate to the book! I mean I did realize that it might be kinda like an allegory of sorts of Jesus the bridegroom and the Church the bride of Christ. Those are all fine and good! But if i were to be called a lily, or a rose; Hmmmm, I used to find it really hard to be called that. Haha, i’d ask myself “Huh, why am i a rose? I’m a warrior! Chiong ah!” kinda thing. And i even find myself to be quite intimate with God already, but a rose?! Hahaha. It felt very foreign to me to be this intimate with God.

So then recently a team from my church (Dayspring church) went to Hong Kong to a ministry called the incubator. So anyway, their call is very closely tied to scriptures in the Song of Solomon, very much like the International House of Prayer (IHOP) pastored by Mike Bickel (if i’m not wrong). And much of their songs and focus come from the Song of Solomon. So when they came back bringing this with them. I felt REALLY WEIRD. Like i think it has been such a long long time since i felt so weird during worship. I just couldn’t connect with God, with the songs, and it was plain weird through the whole time of worship during a prayer meeting. At that point of time i felt very out of place and questions filled my mind: “Am i supposed to be here? If i feel so weird, does it mean i don’t belong here?” “What am i supposed to do? I really am not used to this!”

At that point of time, there were only two choices. One, to go forward, the other to retreat and give up. But somehow within my spirit and after talking to my pastor, i knew that what the team brought back should be good. And i should move forward despite of “I’m not used to it!”.

I think one of the reason why God put me through this, was to allow me to be continually dependent upon Him. Everytime we are helpless in a situation, in my case, I could no longer fall back on my “experience” in worship, the only way forward is to be dependent upon Him. Just like how Paul even after praying, God still did not remove the thorn in his flesh to remind himself to be continually dependent on Him.

And thank God that God enabled me to move forward. Even though it might not be a 100% forward, i felt a breakthrough in my spirit. Am i a rose? I still find that hard, but i know i’m beautiful. Am i a bride? Hmm i’m a guy am i not? Well now i know i want to stay pure like how a bride is. God taught me that the way i relate to Him doesn’t have to be exactly the same as another person. But intimate i will still be, so that brought me great comfort too. =)

If things were fine and dandy, our focus will be so easily shifted from God to ourselves or other priorities that take over God’s place in our lives. Does this mean that God is sadistic and wants us to suffer so we can be dependent upon Him? FAR FROM IT! I believe that God is still love, and we need to see this post in the light that God loves us SO MUCH. But this love is not for our comfort. It is for things that will last, our character, our being. Yes i do believe God does allow us to go through changes to rock our boat, so our foundation is further reinforced in Him. Does this mean that we will never have a comfy life then? Hahha, of course not. God delights in us enjoying our lives when it is in Him too =) But this isn’t a post about suffering and all, so i shall not go into that. Just be mindful that if we are close to Him, be ready for changes! Fret not though, because His grace is more than sufficient for us, His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

When i have no more strength, He becomes my strength
When I have nothing else, He becomes my everything

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