“But i’m not used to it!”

For the adventurous, this might be less often seen sentence in your life. But for many many people, “I’m not used to it!” is quite an oft used statement when something unfamiliar happens, or when we are supposed to move into the unknown for whatever reason.

In this day and age, many of us would like to have a stable income, stable family, stable grades (good grades =P ), and for Abby, a real stable filled with horses! (hehe abby that was for you. =) )  I’m not saying we don’t like to have adventures and all, hahah of course we do. But such stability brings us a sense of safety duncha think? Well at least for me it does! And this might be part of the reason why so many people work SO HARD to get good grades, good jobs; so they don’t have to worry about the future.

If you’ve done the personality test MBTI before, the last alphabet J or P which stands for Judging or Perceiving respectively kinda shows how much a person likes/dislikes change in general.

“Do you prefer a more structured and decided lifestyle (Judging) or a more flexible and adaptable lifestyle (Perceiving)?”

For me, i like a more structured and decided lifestyle. So everytime i have to move into certain changes or unknowns, it creates a disturbance inside me. Thinking through, not ALL changes creates this discomfort. I have realized, the things that i’m very used to or i’m very good at, there will be more discomfort, disturbance and maybe certain “unwillingness” to change. Probably because it has already been such a part of me, to change might mean a lot of effort, or just that “things will be different”.

For the most part, i thought i’ve already been quite good at adapting to changes and being okay with them. Until only recently when my notion of intimacy with God, and “style” of worship was greatly challenged (in a good way). Not that whatever i have thought of was wrong, but this time it seemed like God wanted me to have a breakthrough in my life in the area of worship and intimacy with Him. Well then, that meant CHANGE.

Ever read the book in the bible called Song of Solomon? Well most would have read it before i would suppose, and I have too. But to have really READ it, well that i have not. Why, you might ask. Haha, for me, i found it REALLY hard to relate to the book! I mean I did realize that it might be kinda like an allegory of sorts of Jesus the bridegroom and the Church the bride of Christ. Those are all fine and good! But if i were to be called a lily, or a rose; Hmmmm, I used to find it really hard to be called that. Haha, i’d ask myself “Huh, why am i a rose? I’m a warrior! Chiong ah!” kinda thing. And i even find myself to be quite intimate with God already, but a rose?! Hahaha. It felt very foreign to me to be this intimate with God.

So then recently a team from my church (Dayspring church) went to Hong Kong to a ministry called the incubator. So anyway, their call is very closely tied to scriptures in the Song of Solomon, very much like the International House of Prayer (IHOP) pastored by Mike Bickel (if i’m not wrong). And much of their songs and focus come from the Song of Solomon. So when they came back bringing this with them. I felt REALLY WEIRD. Like i think it has been such a long long time since i felt so weird during worship. I just couldn’t connect with God, with the songs, and it was plain weird through the whole time of worship during a prayer meeting. At that point of time i felt very out of place and questions filled my mind: “Am i supposed to be here? If i feel so weird, does it mean i don’t belong here?” “What am i supposed to do? I really am not used to this!”

At that point of time, there were only two choices. One, to go forward, the other to retreat and give up. But somehow within my spirit and after talking to my pastor, i knew that what the team brought back should be good. And i should move forward despite of “I’m not used to it!”.

I think one of the reason why God put me through this, was to allow me to be continually dependent upon Him. Everytime we are helpless in a situation, in my case, I could no longer fall back on my “experience” in worship, the only way forward is to be dependent upon Him. Just like how Paul even after praying, God still did not remove the thorn in his flesh to remind himself to be continually dependent on Him.

And thank God that God enabled me to move forward. Even though it might not be a 100% forward, i felt a breakthrough in my spirit. Am i a rose? I still find that hard, but i know i’m beautiful. Am i a bride? Hmm i’m a guy am i not? Well now i know i want to stay pure like how a bride is. God taught me that the way i relate to Him doesn’t have to be exactly the same as another person. But intimate i will still be, so that brought me great comfort too. =)

If things were fine and dandy, our focus will be so easily shifted from God to ourselves or other priorities that take over God’s place in our lives. Does this mean that God is sadistic and wants us to suffer so we can be dependent upon Him? FAR FROM IT! I believe that God is still love, and we need to see this post in the light that God loves us SO MUCH. But this love is not for our comfort. It is for things that will last, our character, our being. Yes i do believe God does allow us to go through changes to rock our boat, so our foundation is further reinforced in Him. Does this mean that we will never have a comfy life then? Hahha, of course not. God delights in us enjoying our lives when it is in Him too =) But this isn’t a post about suffering and all, so i shall not go into that. Just be mindful that if we are close to Him, be ready for changes! Fret not though, because His grace is more than sufficient for us, His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

When i have no more strength, He becomes my strength
When I have nothing else, He becomes my everything

Truth

Truth, a word that invokes a kind of feeling of justice, fairness, goodness. It’s inherently a word that has pretty good connotations to it. However, in a world that isn’t just black and white, where so many things are so grey, how does truth stand in such a time as this?

Bringing it down to a less abstract level, our daily lives. Remember the times when we tell our secrets to our best friends, and we would always be sooooo eager to find out the truth about “hey does he really like her?” and all those sort of things? Haha, those were the days when things were less complicated, and more objective to some extent. But i’ve come to a point, where sometimes i wonder, is truth objective or subjective? If it is subjective, is that even truth?

So then of course we have to look at how we define truth, and how we want to look at it. I’d first like to look at truth in an interpersonal relation. Have you ever felt,

A: “HEY I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT?”
B: “Huh, but i never meant it to be like that”

Well i certainly have! Misunderstandings happen so very often in our lives. From small ones to big ones, they come in different situations, with different people, and at different times. So why do misunderstandings happen? I’d like to propose that it’s because of the difference of “truth” that we see that makes such things happen. Before i continue, there is something i learnt in my course of Psychology. It’s called perceptual salience. Haha whoooa, cheem word. Basically what it means is that whatever information is available to us, we tend to think that information is causal of what is happening, when sometimes in actual fact, the information available to us is only a small fraction of what is really happening.

This effect is very important in this post because it affects how we see “truth”. A lot of times we view the world through our own lens, and that’s about it. So if let’s say i live in a place where i only see red apples, i would think: “All apples are red”. But if in another part of the world, a person sees only green apples, he would think: “All apples are green”. Let me ask you then, are all apples only red, only green, or both? Well obviously it’s both for this example! But the “truth” that i saw and the “truth” that the other person saw weren’t false either! It was just that both of us had an inaccurate picture of what the actual truth is.

This is where the problem arises. A lot of times we see that the problem is due to the lack of accurate and complete information that we misunderstand. So then the issue is, how do we get this accurate and complete information? I would say it would be to communicate! But a lot of times we are so fixated with our “truth”, that we don’t want to believe in any other things aside from what we think. Of course as you are reading this, you’ll probably think “nah i’m not like that, i listen to the other person”. If that’s really the case, keep up the good work!! But i think a lot of us, myself at times included, might just “hear” what the person says, and is not really listening. OR, we don’t even want to hear from them at all.

But i guess in any kind of interpersonal relation, is being “RIGHT” the most important thing? Well, in psychology we learn that one of the two important needs a person need is knowing that he/she is right. Quoting a friend of mine, “is it really that important whether i’m right, you’re wrong, when there’s a difference in “truth”? “I think this is where Philippians 2:3 comes in

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

It’s no longer a matter of who’s right or wrong. But about bringing the misunderstanding to God, and to work together. Even if i am 90% right, and only 10% wrong, i guess this verse means to be humble enough to consider that my fellow brother/sister is 10% correct, and how can we work together to come back into a healthy relationship with one another. Does being humble mean disregarding your side of the story, and just look at the other person? NO! What i mean is to be humble enough to listen and accept the other side of the story! If you disregard your own, it isn’t true love cause i’m sure deep within, some sort of resentment forms. Especially the next time  if something similar happens, you’ll look back and say “see this always happens.. and i always have to be the one giving…” and stuff like that.

So truth is really truth only when it is complete and accurate. And this can only be found consistently through God’s word, He Himself. The Alpha and the Omega. The First and the Last. The author and finisher of our faith. Because He is complete, we are able to know that He is true because He isn’t lacking in anything, perfect in every way. So can we trust what He says? Yup we can. Even when sometimes it might be painful, or it doesn’t make sense at first, trust Him cause He’s the only one who holds the true truth. =)