The point of loving

Have you ever thought of what the point of loving was?Haha, well i certainly have! Isn’t it such a wonderful feeling to be loved? To be able to love someone, or something. It’s not something we can put a word to for what happens when we love someone, or when we receive. I guess the closest would be that it’s such an awwww and heavenly feeling! =)
And i do believe only because God is love, that we can love, and we can feel love from our Heavenly Father, our wonderful counsellor, and our lover. That from Him we inherit this need to both love, and to receive love.

So while all these are good, i think maybe along the way we might have misinterpreted certain things. And even things like “love hurts” start to emerge from society. Even though it really seems that love hurts, especially the aftermath of a misunderstanding, a breakup, a quarrel, a fight, a divorce. What happened to a love that protects, that perserveres, that is patient, that is kind, that does not envy, and the list goes from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7?

Well of course there is the fundamental problem that the world is fallen. And though we might all think “yeah yeah i know the world is fallen, but why….”? We we really need to know that an earthly love is definitely imperfect. If our hope is placed ONLY on earthly things, we will be hurt for sure.

Now comes the important thing, does love really hurt? Nope. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 doesn’t say that love hurts. It says a lot of things otherwise. Well in my opinion though, i think the absence of love hurts, and is painful. All the examples i gave, a misunderstanding, a breakup, a quarrel; Aren’t they all cases where love is made absent for whatever reason? It was the “loss of love” that made things terrible. And guess what? This can only happen in a world that is fallen. So we must not be ignorant to this otherwise overlooked problem of a fallen world.

So then what is the point of loving if we all live in a fallen world and we know there WILL be times where our hearts get hurt due to the removal/absence of love through different situations and different relationships? I think i mentioned quite a bit in the previous post of how if we close our hearts, we will only be existing. And only cause we are made in God’s image as said in His word of Genesis 1:27 “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” And if He is love, of course we would have that part too! To love, and be loved. Just as how He loves, and how He wants us to love Him.

But along the way i think we might have misunderstood certain “mechanics” of loving. We also often quote this verse too, and somehow get frustrated when we love people, yet we don’t receive back what we have given. Any clue what the verse is? Yup! It’s found in Matthew 7:12,

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

Then we go about thinking, or at least i did, “hey i’ve loved them SO MUCH. i mean is it really so bad to want something in return?”  or things like “i mean i keep giving already, do i still need to keep asking? I mean if it were me, i would just give to them without even them asking!” and also “i do to them love, that’s what i would want them do to me, why aren’t they doing the same thing? =( “

I think i misunderstood the verse, and also had some misconceptions about the point of loving. I feel the verse simply talks about us not being selfish, and to love as though others are like our own, since most of us love ourselves sometimes far more than others even if we don’t admit it.  But it actually doesn’t talk anything about when we do that, that others would do the same for us. OOOOh. hahahha. Now that’s a revelation!Everyone is in their own journey, and we can’t expect them to be at where we are. The bible talks of us to bear one another’s burdens. And this i feel is one of them. We don’t project our own expectations of ourselves on others simply cause they have their own journey too!

Soooo then another reason of why we should love, is just because we want to bless the person! Just that. And not cause we want something in return. We love from a heart that is FULL. Not from a needy heart that “HOPES” for some love in return. And when it isn’t, we get hurt. See the pattern again? When love was absent, in this case not returned, the person was hurt. But that’s not how it should be! Love because our hearts are full from the love of God, and from support from fellow brothers and sisters in Christ that we love.

I’ve always been someone that is quite hesitant in asking for love and support. I thought i was shy and i just couldn’t bring myself to do that. But maybe it was just my unwillingness to humble myself to say “Hey, i need you for this period, will you pray and walk with me?”. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely need to go to God first for that love and restoration! Oh how important that is. But God also works through His body for each of us to feel loved too. Just as there is a God shaped vacuum, there is also a human shaped void in us, where God wants people to fill. Which is why we also need people! But people can’t read minds! Yes it definitely is nice for someone to know our needs without us saying. It’s sweet really! But love isn’t about “not saying” we need someone is it, for support and encouragement that is.

More and more i’ve learnt to humble myself, to know that i am not alone in this. Be it to ask for help, to ask for someone to listen to me, or for them to share their lives with me. Whatever it is, yes it was hard, and still is kinda hard at times cause i’m “shy”. But if i truly love someone, and want someone to love me the same, i can’t just sit there and not do anything.

Does it mean that just because i love them, and i ask that they will love me? Not always! Cause in the end that is their choice. Nothing i can do will make them love me if they don’t already do. Even God didn’t force us to love Him when He did His ultimate act of love by sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for us. He still gave us a choice to love Him back. And it’s only when we make that choice, is it really true love. Same as how our relationships are with people. We can’t make them love us, but we can just SIMPLY love them because our hearts are full with God’s love. If you’re in a state that is really terrible, may i ask that you seek the help of friends and leaders that will help you through then? =)

So i shall end with this, that Love always Hopes, always protects, always trusts, always perserveres, and more and more i know, that love truly never fails; and so God never fails. =)

Love on!

Holding on, Letting Go

Firstly a shout out to Daniel Tay. Haha i actually did see your message on the previous post before i left. And i wanted to reply it, but i didn’t wanna reply it with just a “Hey im good now, thanks!” kinda thing. And it was super late already so i had to sleep to. So well, this post will be my reply too. And for the rest, it’s a lesson i think i’ve learnt and experienced.

Ya know the past 9 months has been really tough. Haha, i don’t know in how many of my posts this year that i’ve actually mentioned the same thing. Well only because it IS true! It has been oh so crazy. Everytime i think i’m better, the next thing that hits hurts even more, it hits even harder. Until the point where i just didn’t wanna desire for anything anymore. To the point where i seriously contemplated closing off my heart to the world.

So why close my heart? Well, it would at least spare my heart from having to withstand being disappointed again and again, being hurt again and again. Of course that’s not to say i have not done anything wrong, cause it does take both claps to hand most of the time. But by saving it the aches and pains seem very appealing.

Well then what is the other option? Well it would mean to continue opening up my heart. But at that point of time, keeping it open to disappointments, to hurts just seem to painful an option to consider. Really. It was almost unthinkable even though in my head, i know “duh” that is what i have to do. But i just wasn’t ready.

So then here are the two choices. To close off my heart and not be hurt externally and just exist. Or to continue opening my heart with the possibility of it getting hurt, but will then be actually living life. Well i surely wanted to just close off my heart, which would mean to close off God from my life since if my heart is closed off, God couldn’t come in too.
And it was just REALLY TERRIBLE. Hahah, i keep saying that because it really was in the pits for me.

So why was it so hard for me? Cause the most important thing in my life was being taken away. And if you don’t already know, relationships mean a lot to me. It felt as though the thing that i know is the most important thing on earth, which is supposed to be a good thing, is now removed from me. Friendships were “taken away”, i felt terribly disappointed with people, i was angry with God for all these, i felt rejected, am i loved by God, and the list could really go on. I asked “My life was GOOD before i met this and this person. WHY then do you allow me to meet them when you know they would leave in the end, and that would hurt me???”

Well whether it was my fault, the other person’s fault, well that wasn’t the main point. I was very angry with God for just allowing all these to happen. Does it mean i was never in the wrong? Of course not. But it just hurt so bad.
And feeling the lack of initiative from people to help me through the emotions and just walk alongside me hurt me even worse. Then a friend told me the story of Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane. She mentioned that over there, it was a place where olives were crushed for the fragrance to come out. And Jesus was also crushed to a point where He cried out to God “If You are willing, let this cup pass from me. Yet not my will but Yours be done”. Even though Jesus brought the 3 disciples with Him, i believe He felt so alone. And my friend said i probably was also going through a similar experience. Well i knew it in the head, but it was so hard to bring it down to the heart..

As the date of my trip to Taiwan closed in, the emotions were less intense, and i was just really tired from all the internal turmoil and unsettledness. But through an altar call, where i realized, that deep down, really very deep down beyond all the hurts and questions, that i really still loved God.. I really did. And that was the start of my breakthrough as i sobbed at the altar.

Many things happened after that, nothing dramatic, but all of them contributed to me at where i am now. To be truthful to this post and not digress, i will then talk about what i learnt and what happened in the end. I was reading this book written by Jon Eldridge called Desire (thanks Jialin again!!). And something he said struck a chord in me, because maybe that was really what i was going through It talks about surrender.

Firstly, “God must take away the heaven we create, or it will become hell”, and in this case it was my relationships.Then of course i thought, but there’s nothing wrong with relationships what… Why does it have to be this way? I do commit them to You too don’t I???? But i guess somewhere along the line, relationships became more important in some ways..
So secondly the 1 that really struck me was this “We place on he altar something very dear to us, something innocent, whose only danger is in its goodness, that we might come to love it too much.“

Is there anything wrong with relationships? Nope. But i think i held on too tight to it. Something good was in danger of becoming my hell when i love it too much. At the end before i left for Taiwan however, i slowly was able to believe God’s good intentions toward me, and His love for me. And through that i was slowly able to let go. It took a long time, but yes i slowly did. I believe it’s a lifelong process, having different things to let go. But this was a major step for me. The interesting thing was when i was able to let go, i realized at the last 2 weeks before i left, i had deeper friendships with more people, and the farewell. WAO. That’s how i would describe it. I was sincerely very touched by every single person there, and the gifts and cards and WAO. =)

As I learnt to let go, God was able to give it to me cause now it wasn’t something that i would come to love too much. My encouragement to anyone who might be going through a similar time. Hang in there! If you can’t run ferevently now, just stand firm. If you can’t stand, just sit. If you can’t sit, just lie down. You can contemplate giving up, you can think all you want. Go through your emotions please. Allow people to help you through cause they will be your “lifeline” so to speak. Really. Don’t do this alone. And when you come out from it,

Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”